What a Turkey.

Washington, DC

Well, another wonderful Thanksgiving Day here in the nation's capital. Thank you, Auntie Pat. I did sneak over to the White House to try to deny the turkey the President's annual pardon. What a waste of good turkey. Unfortunately, they caught me and here are my celebrity mug shots. Take that, Lindsey Lohan!

Mention Menton, Often

I've been to some of the best restaurants in the world, and Boston's Menton is one of them. I guess word had spread to the kitchen that I was in the house on Friday night. That's when Chef Barbara Lynch and the Menton team surprised me with this personalized dessert. It even beats that cool night in Radda-in-Chianti, Tuscany when the waitress made a bed for me out of a bread basket and napkins. This is as it should be because, well, I matter. So mention Menton to your friends, often.

Santa Barbara, CA

I decided to join Jessica today to visit with friends in Santa Barbara. It was a pleasant trip until - and this is not easy for me to write - we visited the San Ysidro Ranch in Montecito. It's one of the many Ty Warner real estate holdings. Yes, that Ty Warner - the inventor of beanie babies. Truly, he is a God-like figure to those of us with beans as innards. And, as if at the gates of heaven, that's when I saw Waldo (in photo), the world's largest beanie baby. And he's a simian, no less. My monkey life is now complete. Nah!

Stop Picking On Me

St. Petersburg, Russia

How do you say, bad idea? We turned the corner on Nevsky Prospekt and there they were - Uncle Boris and his family. No sooner did they jump all over Auntie Pat and me than that little vixen Natasha started grooming me. Hey, I'm already the best looking monkey in western Russia.

Who's The Idiot?

St. Petersburg, Russia

Here's Auntie Pat, Karen, Cynthia and Jessica at The Idiot, Dostoyevsky's old hangout. I want to state right here and now that good old Fyodor did not have me in mind when he wrote that book. Yet, it looks like Auntie Cynthia does have me in mind. I guess they call if Mother Russia for a reason.

Hot City, Cold Beer

St. Petersburg, Russia

We had a private tour of The Hermitage today. Sadly, I didn't find Rembrandt's famous painting of me, Portrait of a Young Mono. One of the guides told me it was being repaired. Now that was a decent docent. Anyway, seems that the piece was vandalized after the St. Petersburg opening of Planet of the Apes.

Auntie Pat, Jessica and I then had lunch at the delightful sidewalk cafe at The Grand Hotel Europe. The Baltica 7 beer was just what I needed.

I Got Your 4th Right Here

Ok, don't ask. Happy Fourth of July!!!!

Adieu, Mon Tahiti

Detroit

Sorry, everyone. I know that I've been out of touch and that there's much catching up to do. Well, you see, I decided to move to French Polynesia after my trip there with Walt and Jessica in January.

What can I say? I met somebody in Pape'ete, Tahiti at one of those glorious French sidewalk cafes and, whammo, she just took my breath away. That's not all she took. I woke up several days later in the Hotel Tahiti Nuie and I was missing one monkey kidney. Gotcha! Only kidding. Heeh, heeh, heeh!

I did come back to the States several times during my stay in Paradise, but made no blog entries there because I couldn't handle those French keyboards. So, I'm moving back home and, in trying to avoid the paparazzi and sneak quietly into the States this afternoon, there was Uncle Elmo hanging out next to the Vino Volo at the Detroit Airport. Now, thanks to that loudmouth, everyone knows I'm back. I'll be updating you on all my adventures soon.

That's Uncle Elmo. Nothing but trouble.

Pops Goes The Monkey

Sometimes I really long for the good old days with the Boston Pops. I remember tossing back a few with Arthur Fiedler after some of those wild Esplanade performances and, of course, helping John Williams score Star Wars. Of course, Johnny had me in mind when he composed The Rebel Fanfare. Hmmmm. I never did see those royalty checks, come to think of it.

Still, it was very nice to make the scene at Boston Symphony Hall last Sunday for Keith Lockhart's wonderful Christmas Pops show. Those old Symphony Hall floorboards bring back some mighty fine memories. I particularly like Keith, too, since we're about the same height and have all those young girls throwing themselves at us. Never a sour note where I'm concerned with the ladies.

Spacing Out

Washington DC

Greetings from our nation's capital. I have been reluctant to accept NASA's invitation to join the space program. After all, it's been painful for me to get over what NASA did to Uncle Basil, Aunt Perdita, and other friends and family members in the early stages of the space program. And to think they dared call it "manned" space flight. Come on; it was "monkeyed" space flight first.

Anyway, I dropped by NASA headquarters today to see where things stand and, well, I think the space suit will look great once a few adjustments are made. And my new friend Vivian from NASA almost has me convinced to give it all another try.

Take it Frank......Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars......

Minding My Own Business

Santa Monica, CA

Well you can see that I have been sitting here at Shutters on the Beach minding my own business. Nice room, and don't I go well with the decor. Monkey Chic!




Anyway, Jessica, Zack, and I drove down to Rodeo Drive before dinner at Spago and I saw this amazing, yellow Bugatti, probably a $200,000 car. My Bugatti was red, but I always wanted a banana-colored one. Suddenly, out of nowhere, comes a former girlfriend of mine to pose next to the car. Hey, babe, I got your Bugatti right here.

The World = My Oyster

Aboard The World

The planet's most amazing "floating luxury residence" pulled into Boston Harbor tonight and, well, this equally amazing monkey made that scene, too. Jessica, Auntie Pat and I started the afternoon with a lengthy brunch at the Taj Hotel in the Back Bay (top photo) and now here we are.

As you can see, the ship issued some foul-weather gear, but it's too large, Oh well, as long as they don't issue any foul-mouth gear. Then I'd really be in trouble. It's off to dinner. Ciao!

Dim Sum, Anyone?

Toronto, ON

Everything was going just fine at the Sky Dragon dim sum in Toronto's Chinatown yesterday. Then, I made the mistake of mentioning Sarah Palin to cousin Alexa. Well, who could blame her for this reaction to that particular conversation topic.

Here Comes The Monkey

That was quite a wedding last Sunday. Scott and Pauline tied the knot and, well, I'm just waking up from it all now. This first photo for my wedding scrapbook shows Alex's reaction and that of a woman seated next to me when I told them I was getting engaged to a bonobo friend of mine.














Okay, so Gibster and Scott later talked me out of it. It seems I was not the first boy to be romanced by that bonobo. Adieu, mon monkey! Here are the three of us after that "tough love" conversation. Thanks, guys!

Nothing But Trouble

New York, NY

Here I am with Auntie Pat at the bar in the wonderful Standard Hotel in NY's Meatpacking District. We just saw Fela on Broadway and we'll be heading back uptown soon to see Judy Collins perform at the Cafe Carlyle. It will be good to see my favorite maitre'd Tony again at the Carlyle, but it'll be especially wonderful to reconnect with Judy Collins. Those were tough days we shared together in the early '60s trying to break into the West Village folk scene with Bob Dylan, Tom Paxton, and others. I'd like to think that you can find a little of me in Judy's music. And no, I'm not one of the clowns she's sending in.

This marvelous weekend in my home-away-from-home here is certainly helping me to forget this Swinger character pictured below. Thanks to JoAnn, this little bugger wound up in my life and I'm not sure how I feel about it. He may be nothing but trouble!

Not So Lucky

Portland, OR

I should have seen it coming. There I was on the dugout roof at a Portland Beavers' game here and, well, he appeared. I'd call Lucky a "big ape," but he's actually a very big beaver. After a heated exchange between us, which reminded me of the problems I had with Lou Seal at a San Francisco Giants' game (see August 30, 2008), we got to know each other better over a cold one. Lucky's not so bad after all except, wait a minute, I ended up buying the beer. No wonder he's so Lucky!

Happy New Year!

Charlestown, RI

Happy New Year, everyone. Well, it's been quite a holiday period for me. First, as you can see here, I had to deal with all my relatives at Auntie Pat's home in Washington.













And yet, I found true romance with Auntie Pat's friend Marguerite in this Alexandria, VA Irish pub over Thanksgiving, too, which helped me get through all the family monkey business.













Then, we all had a great Christmas dinner at the Hancock Inn in New Hampshire. Here are the men in our group - Mark, Walt, Bob, and me.













I also hung out with Yasir over Christmas, pictured below, the owner of the wonderful restaurant Soundbites in Ball Square, Somerville, MA. Although I turned down the proposed Kitchen Nightmares with Mikey television show that Gordon Ramsey eventually took, I'm always happy to help good chefs like Yasir improve their culinary skills.












And good God,I can't forgot the 44th edition of the Kuklinski Family's Christmas Eve Hearts game. You gotta be kidding me. Hey, I tried to help Uncle Bill here beat the Gibster, but he wouldn't listen to me so "you know who" won again!

















So now, we're leaving the Ohley's New Year's pajama party here - after seeing the wonderful Roger and Linda in Carolina, RI on Wednesday night - and returning to Boston. Here's to a terrific 2010 to all my fans. I'm soon off to DC. Hmmmm, I wonder what Marguerite's phone number is. I think I'll surprise her and send a dozen bananas.

Monkey Sips

St. Helena, CA

I just finished one of my many trips annually to Sonoma and Napa wineries. Wine is a touchy subject with me because of what happened with the Monkey Bay people in New Zealand when I was there in 2006. But I digress; more on that business deal later.


Anyway, what a pleasure it was to meet Laurie Claudon of the fabulous Clark-Claudon winery here. I've opened Clark-Claudon wines on more than one midnight raid to Gibster's wine cellar. Well, with my irresistible monkey charm in full force, I think I made a very big impression on Laurie. We had lunch, tasted some fine wines, and toured her vineyard. Thanks, Laurie.

And yesterday, I finally met Bill Williamson at the Williamson tasting room in Healdsburg. And dear readers, you think I'm a character! This guy is great. He knows how to pair food and wine like nobody I've seen except, perhaps, Jacques Pepin. I had great doubts about Jacques when he worked as a sous-chef for me in Paris. He's done okay, I guess.

Halloween in Healdsburg

Healdsburg, CA

People who know me well - and they number in the millions - understand that this monkey is always very happy to be in Sonoma County, especially right here in bucolic Healdsburg. My good mood was interrupted today, however, when Frankie (pictured here) appeared on my doorstep.

I don't like characters who think they actually deserve other people imitating them for Halloween. Besides, he continues to be mad at me for leaving Dr. Frankenstein's care many years ago. Hey, I couldn't help that my Blue Cross plan declared Dr. Frankenstein to be out of network.

No sooner did I get away from Frankie in Healdsburg Square, however, that I was confronted with another situation. Here's Gibster trying to give me away to a parade of little monkeys. What the.......? Hey, come to think of it, I really do deserve to be honored with people imitating me on Halloween.

Snail's Pace

New York

I've been the toast of the town this week here in the Big Banana; I mean the Big Apple. Last night's show with John Pizzarelli and Jessica Molaskey at the Carlyle Cafe was wonderful. I introduced these two a number of years ago and now, predictably, they're married. Ah, that monkey touch!

That jazz groove was topped tonight by seeing James Gandolfini and company in the God of Carnage on Broadway. Jimmy didn't get the joke when I yelled from the audience, "Yo, Tony, how ya doin?" Hey, I shut my cell phone off, right?

Jessica, Auntie Pat, and I started this evening's fun with some escargots at Balthazar in Soho. We were always running out of garlic and drawn butter when we found snails in the jungle, but they had plenty of it at Balthazar.